The gestational period of our fourth child was by far the most difficult. My wife was incredibly sick the entire 9 months, which was true of all of our pregnancies, but having three other children in tow this time (one of whom is only 18 months) seemed to make the whole experience 3 times as difficult. So during the final stretch, my wife had to rest and go to bed early in order to survive.
Night time is married time. After the kids go to bed, we will frequently have a glass of wine or two and just hang out together discussing topics ranging from religion, politics, and kids to judging other couples parenting styles and the poor fashion choices of our friends and loved ones. It is an important time for us, and one of the ways we maintain our sanity and commitment to this life we have created together.
Pregnancy, and now newborn baby, has robbed us of this ritual, and it has certainly started to take its toll on us. We’re often edgy and disconnected, operating in parent survival mode while letting our marital health fall by the wayside. This only adds to the exhaustion and tension in our household which fuels the kids to act out even more and wipes out our tolerance for them and each other. In other words, it’s a self-perpetuating disaster.
Tonight, we made the choice to put the baby down, even though that meant letting her cry for awhile, and we took some time to just hang out and reconnect. We drank some wine and tried to reassemble a few of the areas of our life.
And we psychoanalyzed a few of our friends. ‘Cuz why are they like that?
It was nice.